Grateful

As I sat on my chair, desk in front of me with my laptop on it and I started to remind all of my pasts and wondering the future.

PAST In time when I was an ordinary high school student, precisely in my last year student, my 3rd grade time! I was so excited about University life. Shortly, I sent my applications to some private Universities, and from 5, they all accepted me include offered me a scholarship, but I followed my parents wish to not accept it.
They wanted me to try a Public University first. Maybe you would say that my parents were fool to throw such as awesome opportunities for their daughter and I also the same to just obey whatever they want. But let's make it clear.. I strongly believed and still believe til now that God's bless to us depends on my parents bless!

I wasn't that religious but I am pretty sure about it. Short of story I didn't make it to State University. That was the time when I thought, "Why?" A very disappointed feeling came and somehow as a desperate teenager I started to blame the past! "What if I entered of those Universities and just say 'No' to my parents wish?"

Suddenly another past story smuggled. A loooong one! That time, I remember it well and will never ever forget! August 14, 2014. I was waited a travel to pick me up from my boarding house in Malang to the airport in Surabaya. I was ready to come back to my hometown, Manado. Flight at 1 PM but I needed 3 hours to reach the airport in Surabaya since there was no flight to Manado right from Malang. 6.20 AM. I waited in the waiting room. I saw 2 men talking to each other. The other one were sitting on his motorcycle, I didn't observe him better but I observed his friend that he talked to better. He was standing right in front of him. Tall and big. His posture remind me of Arnold Schwarzenegger but in a less of muscle mass on him. Hehehe.. Oh.. And he wore a black helmet, masker, well outfit like black jeans, brown jacket and a flashy boots. An orange one, not that orange but a lil bit browny. But it was a good boots, I thought. "Maybe they were guests of another dweller in my boarding house", my mind said. I took my lovely tab to check my messages or bbm/wa/line (A socmed user problem (￣∀￣)v). A message from the driver, some from my friends and from a special one (at that time).. Uhm uhuk *cough* Okay let's skip that part! My driver said he was on his way. I texted my parents to let them know that I was waiting and was ready to go home... I stared again to those guys.. they were still talking outside of the waiting room's door. I saw them through the window. Okay, I opened up my camera app on my tab and mirroring myself to make sure my hair to not in a messy mode (I wasn't use any hijab at that time). I saw again, those two guys was still there. I couldn't see their face because they covered it with masker that usually being used by a motorcycle rider, it covered up their nose through his neck. A guy with those flashy boots was staring at me. His eyes like a guitarist of Gropulove! If you didn't know Grouplove, their song "Let Me In" is a sountrack on The Fault In Our Stars movie. If you see a guy with blue hair and (of course) a guitar on him, That one then!!! ;) As I started to look back on my tab, I felt that someone walked to my direction and when I looked up, a gun was already approximately 3cm in front of my eyes and those flashy boots man hold it and said with a really low and deep voice to me "your wealth or your life?!" I was freeze for a half second And my brain worked so fast like only for 0.00000000001 second (the fastest that I've ever know!!!) It demanded me to scream and run and hugged my tab tightly!!!!

Skip the scariest part, the accident was happened around 5 minutes. I didn't know exactly, but because I was always scream and it made the bad flashy boots guy with his grouplove guitarist eyes and his friend fled! Even they succeed to make the blood streaming down from my head, they got nothing! They didn't get what they wanted, neither my tab nor my bag. They were fool because I had my lappy and my wallet in my bag. Dude, you were just too focus on my tab! :p The travel? I canceled it and changed it to 8.30! Who brought me to the hospital? An employee who guard my boarding house, I ran to him for a help after those bad guys fled. And I asked myself "What if I just waited in my bedroom?" Or "what if I didn't call the travel to picked me earlier?" I wouldn't get any accident!

"What" and "if". Those two words are simple, as non-threathening words can be but if we put it together it becomes a powerful words to haunt you. In the end it just creates your own perturbation that leads to a regret if you relate it with your past or a bias uncertainty if you relate it to your future. I don't want those words to be used in my daily life! Note: I told my story not in purpose to have any sympathy. If I can choose, I don't wanna share it. It's just to make the readers to be grateful and a reminder for me. I just want to be GRATEFUL with Everything I Have and Everything I've Passed Through My Life rather than just complaining it.

God has his own beautiful plan for his creatures as long as they keep husnudzon (good suspicion) towards him. I truly believe it. I trust Him A LOT. A part from Holy Quran says that If you honour and listen to your parents, you'll be blessed. I think so! My parents, they are the best! In the end they told us to be a student in UMM. I followed every words they said, but not forgetting that they also listen what I want like I wanted to take Accounting as my focus study. They gave me a permission. Once again, because they gave their blesss to me, there, I had so many good opportunities. Working in International world, met lots of new friends locally or globally, being trusted to following some competitions and many other lessons. Thank you Mom and Dad! That's all because of your willingness so God gives his blessings to me too. God's will never deny his promises. "And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small." (QS. Al-Israa : 23-24)

The last scariest part, I also believe it was God's scenario. Even my trauma is still there like I'll get startled if I see someone with helmet come to me or someone just show themselves in front of me but if I let it to gnaw myself, it will only limit me to not doing whatever I want freely. I also believe it was God's scenario in my life to make me more awarea and be careful but brave at the same time in every situation because I used to not care AT ALL wherever when I'm using my phone particularly in public area. Furthermore, I believe those might be an alarm because I did a BIG mistake whether I realize it or not and it was a form from God to release my sins. "And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient, who, when disaster strikes them, say, 'Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return'. Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided." (QS. Al-Baqarah : 155-157)

Good point is I'm still alive and every single day has offer me new things to learn. Mistakes are okay to make not do it again in the future. My past is a best teacher!

FUTURE Talking about future which is still bias. Some questions like my master degree, job, boyfriend, hmmmm... And the other never ending questions in life.. I don't wanna worry about it. Of course there is so many "what if" like "what if I'll be an unemployment for a long time if I don't start to look a job now?" Or "what if I'll become a "forever single" if I don't have a boyfie now?" Oh Pleaaaaaseeee.. So Let me return! "What if God take my life today?" Or "What if this time is the last time I spend with my parents before God takes them?" Honestly, I scare it the most. So, from the future I've learned that Life is not always for "myself". I just want to invest my time now with my family and embrace every moment with them.

Yesterday is a history, Future is a mystery and Today is a GIFT. The point is I just wanna live my life as useful as I can be today and be GRATEFUL for whatever I have today. The most important thing is I have God, My Super Duper Lovely Family and Beloved Close Friends in Manado. Their endless support to me is EVERYTHING. What else I want in life? I have my BEST VIBES! They are my best Gift!!!

Do my best today and let God do the rest!

Alhamdulillah (All Praises Due to Allah) ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ